Are You Ruining Your Love Life By Having A Type?
Should we justify having types or is it a social construct that is holding us back? Well, let's get the obvious out of the way. Having a type is not the same thing as having certain standards.
Standards are important and having deal breakers can be beneficial, but at some point when do we become too picky/superficial? For instance, let's say you have a deal breaker that the guy can't be a convicted felon. Ok, that's reasonable. Now, let's say your deal breaker is he HAS to be taller than 6'5". Is that REALLY necessary? Will dating someone 5'6" really ruin your human connection to a person? I've heard it all. Too short, too poor, too brainy, too tall, too fat, too skinny... the list goes on and on for some people. Can't we just appreciate human beings for the connection we have with them and not what we idealize in our heads.
In the end, all of your "too this or that"s are coming full circle to what you want people to see you as in life. Are you secure enough in your own self to date someone who is seen as too anything by society? If you are, I bet you don't have a long list of deal breakers. Hold on though, this is only one part of the spectrum of social constructs. What about having a type?
Well, from personal experience, I thought my type was skinny, tallish, skater dude who happens to play the guitar and loves alternative rock. I was so wrong– well no, not wrong, just focused. I ended up dating someone who was not a skater dude. I ended up dating a nerdy guy. I began to realize that types didn't necessarily mean anything, nor did they even really exist. If I had stuck to the construct of just one sort of person, I wouldn't have gone out with my then boyfriend. I would have been searching with tunnel vision. And isn't a person more than just any one label?
Sometimes, we construct and pick types because we think it's what's going to make US happiest. We want someone who is going to make US happy, but thinking back, when has a one-sided relationship ever worked out? We need to look for more than just what we THINK will make us happy. We need to look for someone who WE can make happy too. It's a two way street. Furthermore, just because we think someone is going to make us happy, doesn't mean they will. We often don't even know what we need until we get it, and even then we don't know we need it.
I implore you to look beyond your normal type. Someone once said, crazy people are those who do things the same way over and over again and expect different results. If you are reading this and haven't found "the one", then maybe that's because you keep dating the same guy/girl. You may surprise yourself in what you can find out there. Don't limit yourself by limiting other's potential. I admit, I have done that in the past, but now I'm going through life with an open mind and an open heart. Love is always just around corner if you take of those blinders. Perhaps it's time for you to use that peripheral vision.
Comments