Live Life in Love

Let me know if this seems familiar: You meet an amazing person. They seem perfect and you're crushing hard. It turns out that they like you back. Go you! You start going on dates. Everything is working out the way it should and then things start getting serious. Real feelings come into play. Your significant other wants to be vulnerable with you and let you in, but you're not so sure. You've seen others get burned before by letting others in and you're not about to do the same. They disappoint you. They seemed like they could have been everything for you, but in reality cannot. You grow farther and farther apart until you break it off.

You keep people on the other side of the glass, like you're an exhibit to be watched, but never touched. Sure, they think they can see you, but that glass is full of smoke and mirrors. When they never know what is truly behind the surface, it's easy for them to not understand what you really need and why. That lack of communication leads to mistrust and further issues, which in turn leads to the demise of the relationship. There are a lot of things going on in this situation and we need to address each part.

First, being vulnerable, is not a weakness, but a strength. Not many people have the courage to put themselves out there and be vulnerable. If you can open up to people consider yourself lucky and brave. There is a real risk of rejection when you open up. It's mainly trust in the other person, or even trust in yourself that you'll be fine when that happens, that makes you able to put your real self out there. Everybody gets hurt sometimes. Is that reason to give up on something you care about, or even someone? Let's not let fear direct our lives. Let it be love. So what do we do after we've opened up?

Communication is key. I don't care who you are dating, your significant other cannot read minds. They don't know what your expectations are, how best to love you, what you need from them, and thousands of other preferences that go into being with someone. It's easy to think that they know you so well that you don't have to tell them, but you need to verbalize. Especially, if you never open up and show your true self. They cannot care for or love someone they don't truly know. Get ready for plenty of disappointment if you don't talk through your expectations.

So, you've opened up and talked about what you want. What is left to do now? Adjust your expectations of another human being. Another person should NEVER be your entire life. Sure, they should be important and even a priority in life, but don't make them EVERYTHING. They are just a human being. They have flaws, even though you may refuse to see them. You will be disappointed by them at some point when they cannot deliver what they promised or what you need from them. No one is responsible for your own happiness, but yourself. Don't make your significant other the keeper of your emotions. What happens when they're gone? What will become of you? It's important to be your own person, even when you are with another.

Now, wait a minute. Didn't I say that you have to open up? Yes, I did, but it's all a balancing game, like most of life. You must be independent, but vulnerable. Stand on your own two feet, but know that you may need help sometimes. Do you, but when you're done, come back to the person you care about and just relax in your true state.

I've seen plenty of people live at both ends of the spectrum between being too stubborn and independent to let others help, to being too dependent and generous to others. Neither is ideal. But, if you can find that perfect balance between needing others and trusting yourself, you can do wonders in life.

Again, live life with love, not fear.